its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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