he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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