I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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