do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize