i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize