Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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