Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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