I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
