I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
