What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
