Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
