i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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