You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
