The best revenge is premature balding
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
