I've blown a few things in my day
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
