I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
