Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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