Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize