Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
