At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
