I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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