If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
