Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
