so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
