I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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