are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
