Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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