i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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