Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
