She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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