took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
