I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
