I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
splinters make it hard to masturbate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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