Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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