i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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