I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
