i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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