His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
