I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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