I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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