I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
