Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
