did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
