You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
