You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
