I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
