DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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