I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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