once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
