it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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