im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
