HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
