Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
