I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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