Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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