My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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