The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
