She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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