Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
