i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
