I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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