Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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