LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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