I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
