chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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