she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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