think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
